February 10, 2012

Where’s the Love: 5 Reasons Why I Wag My Finger

There’s something unique about being a Hanson fan. We’re fiercely loyal and all a bit crazy, though in a large spectrum of ways. You’d like to think that our common love would bind us together, that all fans share this deep, unspoken understanding that means friendship by default. It’s not always the case. Here are a five times that love starts to wear thin for me.

1) 1, 2, 4, 52, 5, 3, -6? Wait…The number system. It’s flawed and we all know it, otherwise there would never be any arguments.  Some love it, and some hate it. It makes sense in theory, but the
problem is it never works the way it should. Number 15 is saving 13 and 14 for her friends that will be there “soon,” 56 is standing ahead of 20 for no apparent reason, and nobody has seen numbers 5-8 since the night before. It’s no wonder people that hate it feel the way they do. On the flip side, nobody wants to sit on a sidewalk for 16 hours and have someone walk up an hour before doors and stand at the front of the line because the “numbers don’t matter.” Really, they don’t. It’s an arbitrary system. Maybe one day I’ll show up first and start lettering people instead, just to see what happens (does it matter after 26 anyway?). At the end of the day, whether you carry a sharpie in each pocket or numbered yourself 1/8th for laughs, just stand behind whoever was ahead of you in line and we’ll all get along fine.

2) Cutting/Pushing. I guess I think of it as a sort of warped golden rule. I would never do it to you, so please don’t do it to me. GA should be a little more first come, first served, a little less survival of the fittest.

3) Cameras. It’s understandable to want to capture the epicness that is a Hanson show, bring it home, and relive it again and again; to share it with others that couldn’t be there, or to preserve something you don’t want to forget. I do it with words—I get it. With all the hi-tech gadgetry we have today, it’s as easy as whipping out your iPhone and pressing “record.” But if you’re going to record a whole song or take more than a few pictures, please plan ahead and find a spot where your camera won’t be in the way (and for God’s sake turn off the 1,000 kilowatt flash! No wonder Isaac wears sunglasses). We paid to see Hanson, not your Nikon D800. And my own personal disclaimer: Prop your camera above my 5’2” head at your own risk—I get good air during “If Only.”

4) Creepy conversations. I enjoy meeting nice fans, but it’s a deal breaker when someone says “So, which wife is your favorite?” Check, please! Other conversation topics to avoid: body parts, baby names for your hypothetical offspring, stories where the climax is eye contact, any and all Hansons that aren’t in the band.

5) Play by plays. No one wants to stand next to a narrator when we can see and hear everything for ourselves. Yes, we saw Isaac look at you (and everyone else in our vicinity—he does that). Yes, we recognize those opening chords for “Great Divide.” And “Lost Without Each Other.” And every other song you’ve correctly identified. And that time you yelled “I want your babies!”? It brought to mind kidnapping charges, since, you know, he already has babies, and you can’t have them.

What makes you wag YOUR finger? Feel free to comment.