February 10, 2012

Where’s the Love: 5 Reasons Why I Wag My Finger

There’s something unique about being a Hanson fan. We’re fiercely loyal and all a bit crazy, though in a large spectrum of ways. You’d like to think that our common love would bind us together, that all fans share this deep, unspoken understanding that means friendship by default. It’s not always the case. Here are a five times that love starts to wear thin for me.

1) 1, 2, 4, 52, 5, 3, -6? Wait…The number system. It’s flawed and we all know it, otherwise there would never be any arguments.  Some love it, and some hate it. It makes sense in theory, but the
problem is it never works the way it should. Number 15 is saving 13 and 14 for her friends that will be there “soon,” 56 is standing ahead of 20 for no apparent reason, and nobody has seen numbers 5-8 since the night before. It’s no wonder people that hate it feel the way they do. On the flip side, nobody wants to sit on a sidewalk for 16 hours and have someone walk up an hour before doors and stand at the front of the line because the “numbers don’t matter.” Really, they don’t. It’s an arbitrary system. Maybe one day I’ll show up first and start lettering people instead, just to see what happens (does it matter after 26 anyway?). At the end of the day, whether you carry a sharpie in each pocket or numbered yourself 1/8th for laughs, just stand behind whoever was ahead of you in line and we’ll all get along fine.

2) Cutting/Pushing. I guess I think of it as a sort of warped golden rule. I would never do it to you, so please don’t do it to me. GA should be a little more first come, first served, a little less survival of the fittest.

3) Cameras. It’s understandable to want to capture the epicness that is a Hanson show, bring it home, and relive it again and again; to share it with others that couldn’t be there, or to preserve something you don’t want to forget. I do it with words—I get it. With all the hi-tech gadgetry we have today, it’s as easy as whipping out your iPhone and pressing “record.” But if you’re going to record a whole song or take more than a few pictures, please plan ahead and find a spot where your camera won’t be in the way (and for God’s sake turn off the 1,000 kilowatt flash! No wonder Isaac wears sunglasses). We paid to see Hanson, not your Nikon D800. And my own personal disclaimer: Prop your camera above my 5’2” head at your own risk—I get good air during “If Only.”

4) Creepy conversations. I enjoy meeting nice fans, but it’s a deal breaker when someone says “So, which wife is your favorite?” Check, please! Other conversation topics to avoid: body parts, baby names for your hypothetical offspring, stories where the climax is eye contact, any and all Hansons that aren’t in the band.

5) Play by plays. No one wants to stand next to a narrator when we can see and hear everything for ourselves. Yes, we saw Isaac look at you (and everyone else in our vicinity—he does that). Yes, we recognize those opening chords for “Great Divide.” And “Lost Without Each Other.” And every other song you’ve correctly identified. And that time you yelled “I want your babies!”? It brought to mind kidnapping charges, since, you know, he already has babies, and you can’t have them.

What makes you wag YOUR finger? Feel free to comment.


J.R. said...

That time a girl peed on the floor of The Tabernacle in ATL instead of risking her spot. I was much further back and not in the vicinity of the tragedy, but for the love of everything...

Myka B said...

Concert talkers! If you're going to be loud and talk the whole time...sit/stand out of the way or reserve it for the (inevitable) crappy opener Hanson will pick.

People who wear Hanson shirts to Hanson shows...they know you're there to see them. You don't have to wear a shirt. (The only time this rule does not apply is sporting events).

Getting sloppy drunk whilst in the front row. I'm not drinking beer therefore I do not want to smell like it/be covered in it just because I am unfortunate enough to be stuck next to you.

Jemmacow said...

OMG JR a girl peed on my shoes at First Ave in Minneapolis. I didn't know until the end of the concert.

Anonymous said...

That was an awesome sum-up of of the annoying things related to following Hanson! I only had my first shows in Europe last year, but it immediately showed me grown-ups become obsessed, selfish teenies around a Hanson event.

I was surprised by how cold some people acted in the line, afraid to say hi in case you're trying to steal their spot! Huh? And the cameras. I really feel sorry for Hanson. It seems like some fans prefer having the pics and videos afterwards than enjoying the show in the moment. Really, some fans take full videos of EVERY song. I don't get it.

And you are so spot on about the creepy conversations! I went to the gigs with my boyfriend and was embarrassed to have him witness the level of obsession of many fans. Some fans were a bit too keen on watching the wives and kids watch the 5 of 5 London shows on the balcony rather than watching the guys play! And discuss their expressions. Oh and the one fan we met at a hotel, first talking about how she hates the obsessed fans who are there to just adore their faces and not music, and soon after gushing about how hot Zac looked the night before, that she would totally "do" him, or any of them!

I've never understood the idea of screaming the second you recognise a song they're starting to play. Sure, if it's your fav song, but for so many, every song qualifies for that. You can't be that surprised by them playing some of the singles they play every time. What's the funniest, is how long it takes for those people to recognise the song...

Holly said...

J.R. & Jemma, wow! That's one thing I've honestly never worried about happening at a show. I sincerely hope I never need to!

Myka-Yes, down with concert talkers! I have yet to hear anyone say anything that was actually worth talking over a Hanson singing. Ditto with texting when the screen is blindingly bright.

Anonymous--that's pretty much how I feel about cameras, too. I've been reporter and had that experience where I stood and took pictures the whole night. I got great pictures and it was worth doing the one time, but my memory of the show itself feels like it's missing something compared to the ones where I left my camera in the car.