May 2, 2012

MMMBop turns 18; Hanson brothers remain 12.

Pop music fans around the world are perplexed, music critics say. What is the cause of this recent stir? Records show that pop song and chronic ear worm “MMMBop” of Hanson’s 1997 release Middle of Nowhere turns 18 this year. The song first appeared as a track on an indie album called Boomerang that was recorded in ’94 and released a year later. Yes folks, “MMMBop” has finally become legal.

The controversy, however, lies in the fact that Hanson themselves still remain 12, a phenomenon that has many looking to the media for answers.

“Look at them!” One outraged MTV supporter raves. “They were just featured on the MTV website. This picture is from last week. They can’t be a day older than thirteen!”

“It's unnatural,” a second critic agrees. "Something just isn't right. Have we been lied to?"

And just around the time of its 18th birthday, rumors are circulating that a beer of the song's namesake is in the works. Huffington Post recently spoke with Zac Hanson, resident drummer and youngest member of the age-defying band.

"We are soon going to be selling our own beer. I'm not joking - MMMhop IPA anyone?" Zac reportedly said.

Readers are demanding to know why the young teens have been permitted to create an alcoholic beverage they are not yet of age to consume, and with an 11-year-old spokesmanboy at that.

"It's true," a local L.A. Times reader admits. "I just read that the Hanson boys are making a beer. I looked at the picture that accompanied the article (shown left), and I said to myself, are they even old enough to drink? Hansonopoly is much more age-appropriate if you ask me."

It is unclear at this time whether the MMMboys have tapped into some age-defying secret, or if the media has been misconstruing their real ages for some time. Extreme Hanson activists have even taken to spreading the rumor that Taylor is having his fifth child to counteract the allegations that Hanson are still in their adolescence.

When asked directly about the age issue, MTV representatives are quoted as saying "It's a secret no one knows," but declined to comment further on the subject. It's a little bit weird, if you ask us.

*Note: It has been brought to my attention that "MMMBop" is NOT on Boomerang; it debuted on the indie album MMMBop in 1996, and therefore isn't actually 18 yet. Once upon a time, I knew this. Fortunately, part of a good satire is making stuff up, so just go with it. Kudos if you made it this far without realizing the error. I was convincing, right?


Anonymous said...

Sooo weird article? They are right now 31, 29, and 26. Doesn't take much google-fu to figure it out.

Holly said...

noun \ˈsa-ˌtī(-ə)r\
Definition of SATIRE
: a literary work holding up human vices and follies to ridicule or scorn
: trenchant wit, irony, or sarcasm used to expose and discredit vice or folly

Or by all means, your preferred method:

Take a quick look through the rest of my blog before you assume I don't know anything about Hanson.

Katheryn said...

"It's a secret no one knows". lol
The pictures that accompany articles and interviews with them have been driving me nuts lately. Is it really that hard to find a recent picture to use?

Imppu said...

One of your best texts, really funny! Should probably direct some people to this. But only if they are capable of reading...LOL at the person who did not get this.

Melynda said...

Did "anonymous" really not think you knew the truth?! Wow!